Forget that STAR method

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Reflecting on the STAR interview method. I can honestly say that this method sucks. I try to move on with my life and not dwell on the good, the bad or the ugly of it all. I aspire to not keep a record of wrong. I want to improve and get better by building on better foundations, but I don't like having to recall all the drama of engaging with white people along the way. All my jobs have been run and operated by white people. Only my time as a student at the HBCU was I under the leadership of Black folks. This makes a difference for me in these assessments.

I can remember nothing but people who had my best interest at heart and the HBCU. They were encouraging and forgiving and looking out for a person. There were the two or three incidents that I won't speak of that were a bit shady and over the top, but for the most part, I didn't look at these folk as anything other than people who cared about people and each other.

With the world un-melanin-ated it was all together different. I can't quite explain it. After leaving the HBCU and heading to the former Indian Territory of Iowa, I could feel this difference that was always there. It was like a pane of glass that could not be broken through. It persists when I got to New York, when I landed in Georgia, when I sat down for a minute in North Texas. It somehow never allowed me to relax. I did not know what that was all about then. At least back then I didn't.

Being back in my hometown, it has come full circle. This people are the reason I ran up out of here to begin with. It is still weird and I can't yet find the words, but oh yeah I will. May there be no doubt about it. One day I will have the words, and baabbbbbayyyyy.

I am glad to be where I am. I don't think about the battles and the wars. The pandemic has given a gift in that I have not had to interact with these people for over a year now. It is so refreshing. It has been an eye opener to my inner consciousness. I hear myself saying, "I am glad to not be out there with those people right now. Especially from 2017-2021 January 21 but even now. Yes, even now."

I am ever so hopeful I can find a way to co-exist without the anxiety and jaundice eye. When the door is open I am hopeful I will be covered in the grace and mercy that makes all things work together for my good. I am hopeful I will be back in a place where it is just me and folks who care about my wellbeing and our wellbeing as a whole. The time is close. I feel it as much as I have felt the hostility and underbelly of mediocrity that is always threatened by someone who wants more, lives for more and will bring more to the table if given a chance. But that would mean more work for those who from the beginning were fine with doing the least for the most.

Comments

  1. MillieMay 9, 2021 at 4:15 AM

    Funny that I should read this now as midway through my current UCLA Extension class, I debate whether on not to continue taking classes even in this program. This class is really helpful and there are some interesting students sharing the space, but I still haven't heard back from the Chancellor or from "campus leaders." Among the reasons I wrote that letter was that I didn't want to dismiss the e-blast sent to me as "lip service" as I had up to then gotten in the habit of doing amid the pandemic and post George Floyd's blatant murder.

    I am now also thinking about the application I submitted for that April 6th deadline (that got extended to the 13th) and what I now find is conflicting information given at the organization's application seminar. Did the presenter (or organization) not know any better, or did the presenter (or organization) feel that those on the "outside" who needed an application seminar in the first place were not truly of interest and that the information did not need to be as accurate/comprehensive/forthright for "outsiders?"

    Have faith and carry is all I can say to you, and to myself.

    Bright Moments!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jena EvansMay 9, 2021 at 4:32 PM

      I have to keep faith and hope alive all the time, Millie. It is one thing to advocate for integration and a wholly other thing to persist with the agenda of Assimilation. I don't want to assimilate. I am very much against assimilation no matter how overt or covert the methods to achieve this state of normalcy that keeps certain people comfortable with the status quo/grow.

      I am not shocked in your not hearing any feedback from the campus leadership. Unfortunately, it might just be beyond their capacity and willingness to be human.
      Blessings, sis!!!

      Delete

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