MJS Creative Landing

At one point in my life I fashioned myself interested in Philosophy. I tended to lean toward Existentialism and Post-Structuralism with a dash of residual El Hajj Mailk Shabazz mixed with some W.E.B. Du Bois, but I got passed that. Nihilism is the belief that all values are baseless and that nothing can be known or communicated and is often associated with pessimism and radical skepticism that condemns existence... (and thus condemns itself-added by me). Granted there is literature that puts nihilism in two categories: Passive and Active. Read more for yourself. To make this short,- Belief and Faith are at a cross roads and one can be denied allowing the other to dominate one's life. I can believe that something is something without giving myself to it. I can have faith that something is something surrendering to the possibility that the outcome doesn't matter as long as I am at peace and rested in the fact that I have acceptance, on a level, that Belief in and of itself...

Trying times! Times are trying for a few people. I share your frustration. I share your anger. I share your befuddlement. I share your grief. I share your lack of understanding. I share your confusion. I know what it's like to be stumped. I share your desire to check out. I share your need to give up. I share your need to check out. I share your desire to live inside your head. I share the need to bury yourself in your bed. I share your need to take a long walk, a long shower, a long nap. I share your thoughts about lighting up, tipping that bottle, or taking that pill. I know what it's like Ms. Celie!!!! Just spoke with my adorable younger cousin who is in the middle of all sorts of drama... husband, in-laws, parents, siblings, teen children, tween children, and life on top of life on top of life. I asked her if her support system is holding up for her in Virginia? She said it is, but she is still exhausted and overwhelmed. I asked her if it was ok for her to feel the way she ...

My tweezers are missing. I am not the one directly responsible for the tweezers being missing. Though often I will hold myself totally responsible for household disasters because I believe that I can and could have overcome any future disaster if I plan for any and all future disasters before they happen. I have that ability, that power, that super power if you will. Like knowing to put my trash can in a closet if a guest brings their dog over. Or, putting up my musical instruments if I expect children over. I observe the behaviors of people and try to pin down their propensities. I study their choices and their shortcomings, the insecurities and those words they like to hear that bring smiles and laughter. I look into their beings as best I can trying to discern how to keep them from disturbing me and my peace of mind. I engage in an intimacy that others are scant aware of, but are the fortunate ones to receive the gift of. I pay attention. I have the skill of attentiveness, care and ...

Before an instrument is played, there is a moment of anticipation. When a hush comes over the room and the breathing begins to still, an inflection point of near silent harmony arises. And then the note comes forth and slowly an exhale slips through the atmosphere. It can be glorious. For some the wait is prolonged and the note seems to never arise into the living breathing world of sight and sound. It tarries, held back in that place where origins are origins and endings don't exist. Stopped from processions and willed to refrain, the notes uninformed yet knowing they are a real something, a creation as a vapor eager to join the chorus of all creatures here below. The in between can be the hardest, though. The in between can lull and rock and disappoint and shock. The in between can turn away or draw one in to contemplative meditation. There is that better place if rest is required before the thing comes. In between can be the calm before the storm. And once it occurs we might be ...

As I returned from my morning walk, I see in the middle of the one way three lane road next to my house a recently deceased by way of tire... squirrel. In the past, kind street walkers have bestowed on me the honor of disposing of dead squirrels hit by vehicles with tossing the road kill into my yard. Not on the easement, but into my yard. So, it was surprising to see that two large buzzards were on my sidewalk when I peeked back outside after a bit that day. Then it dawned on me... they have the squirrel. And indeed they retrieved the squirrel from the road and sat under the shade of the pecan trees that line my easement and dined greatly in the cool of the day. They chose the sidewalk for their meal. They took turns pecking away at the slowly dwindling carcass as I hopped into my car to run an errand. When returning from my short trip, the buzzards were nowhere to be found. I walked down the sidewalk to see the last remains of a fluffy tail and several bones. I head back inside to re...

What's Good? A lot of stuff is going on that is so good. I am loving this weather. It will actually be in the 60s this week. We are getting more rain. I have two interviews. My grass is mowed. The weeds have been sprayed. I have over-seeded patchy areas of my lawn. Someone came into my yard yesterday and stole a lamb chop off my BBQ grill. I am almost close to letting that offense go. Almost... What's good? I walked 3 miles today. I had a great yogurt parfait with granola and blueberries and grapes. I have a great collection of Acappella Music playing in the background. Mother's day is behind me. My cousin had her second stage appearance doing standup in Hampton Roads, VA. My cousin in DFW is closing on her house. My sister is getting her writings together because a friend of hers wants to help her get it in order for publishing. My friend is pursuing courses in  Architecture & Interior Design. Momma and Daddy spent mother's day with me and my sister and no drama po...

A few years back I was going through piles of wood trying to fine a nice plank of pecan or walnut. The plank would the go through the planer and what would be revealed was this stunning piece of wood ready for its transformation into something special. I am ready to get back into wood working. The plan is to build a shop behind my house along with a two car garage apartment. I have it all mapped out on a piece of paper. I know where the 220 plugs need to go. I know where the bathroom will fit best. I have all the outlets lined up. I have the list of tools I am going to purchase. I am excited about this build out. Now, the Lord willing, I will secure employment. At that point I will leverage my equity in my home and get a home improvement loan and get at it. Hope springs eternal. Praying the desires of my heart...

Reflecting on the STAR interview method. I can honestly say that this method sucks. I try to move on with my life and not dwell on the good, the bad or the ugly of it all. I aspire to not keep a record of wrong. I want to improve and get better by building on better foundations, but I don't like having to recall all the drama of engaging with white people along the way. All my jobs have been run and operated by white people. Only my time as a student at the HBCU was I under the leadership of Black folks. This makes a difference for me in these assessments. I can remember nothing but people who had my best interest at heart and the HBCU. They were encouraging and forgiving and looking out for a person. There were the two or three incidents that I won't speak of that were a bit shady and over the top, but for the most part, I didn't look at these folk as anything other than people who cared about people and each other. With the world un-melanin-ated it was all together differ...

Jean called at 3:45pm to ask if I could pick her up and take her to visit one of her friends she met while living at Stilwell Retirement. Faye had just been moved from the independent community living of Stilwell to this assisted living community out of town. Faye's children reckoned she needed more care since she had just had another fall and damaged her wrist. Supper for Faye was at 5pm so Jean wanted me to pick her up about 5:15pm so we could get in and get out. Jean is 92 years old and is the piano player for our two man crew. We have in the past provided music therapy to Seniors in long term, assisted, memory care and independent living communities. Faye was one of the people who would faithfully be in attendance every other week at Stilwell. She had been longing for Jean to came to visit her at the assisted living care facility she moved to. Since September 2010, Jean has been a part of my life. She encouraged me to sing in front of people. She encouraged me to play instrumen...

Essential features of political and sociopolitical life regards games pre-eminently. Look not to the needs of those who day to day would want or need far less for not this distraction, perhaps. But I certainly think this would not dissuade the waste to teeter in other useless areas of glut and greed and avarice.  What lowly self-esteem there is for man. He helps not that so simple of distractions carry him away into rocks that dash and quell the appetite of endless destruction. It feds as long as he is unaware the beast that calls in its muted hush and useless hope. Like the mythical siren they placed them on small islands such as Fight Island and Green Bay or Tampa Bay. And like sheep lead to the slaughter they parade along in mindless fanfare as the thousand year reign drags on in Rome.

The quality of being coherent and intelligible or better yet, the quality of transparency or purity. To exist in a sustained bubble of purity or transparency would be grand. But little children and some adults can't help but want to burst bubbles. It would be grand to take a stand and live in purity and transparency. I think I will practice this today. Beginning now. This is the day that the Lord has made. I shall rejoice and be glad in it.

Blinded by the Light was a good song. I love how it drives on and on. I don't know what the heck he says after that hook, though. I do know that we all are blinded by something at any given time in our lives. Blinded by the light. Blinded by ambition. Blinded by jealousy. Blinded by love. Blinded by our own sin. Out of sight out of mind. Some speak of a second sight. A third eye. A knowing. Some without sight do awesome things. Some others without sight may not do much to gain acclaim but still manage to function in this world and make their way. We may not all be without sight for lack of eye power, but many are without sight for lack of knowledge and willful ignorance. This was true in the beginning. This will be true forever more until the end is the end. Those whom the master frees and gives sight to are free indeed but yet still as susceptible to pitfalls and blind spots. Helps us and reminds us to be strong and of good courage this day.

Happy are the hands that find good work. Happy are the feet that trod good earth. Happy are the ears that hear good news. Happy are the eyes that see clear paths. Happy are the arms that are strong and mighty. Happy are the legs that hold up bodies. The crevices lay open to the waters. The mountains dart downward letting loose the melting snows. The trees keep gapped to filter airs. The grass carpets the earth to sooth the aching soles. Up and down the ministers of life go. Here and there the job is never done. Every step and every breath drawn forth in unuttered demand. To dig your heels in is fruitless, so why not stand. Mary don't you weep. Martha don't you moan. Lazarus will rise. Atonement will come. Space is being made. A table is being set before you in the presence of your enemies. We shall eat from the hand of our Maker. Let our maker be LORD.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is the 3rd act of the trilogy. Peter Jackson and J.R.R. Tolkien both may have been masters of drawing things out. When watching the third film of TLOTR with my sister and my mother, I was super excited. As it drew on and on, I looked to my left to see my mother asleep. My sister was hanging on barely. I was reminded of this time during this cold Saturday. My sister has been having severe back pain. She insisted that we, meaning me, we go and get the concrete so we can set the fence posts today. I dropped by her house to let her knew it was too cold for me to work. Yet, off we went to Lowe's to get the concrete. Lowe's had 80lb bags on sale. We purchased 4 bags. She paid 17.00 and some change. This was a good deal. I still was not going to set these posts this day. She drives over to my house to get my wheel barrel. I load it into her SUV atop the bags of concrete. I still was not going to work on this fence today. She drives back ov...

One profound take away from my very young self was the degree of contempt that permeated the house in which I grew up. There were other better spirits and attributes, but as the difference is between a flame and a fire, contempt blazed and the other vices glowed. Contempt consumed and the virtues showed themselves in sheer-like fashion like the wardrobed Casper the friendly ghost. Virtues were there, but you had to know them to see them and the darkness had closed in pretty fast by the time I hit the age of accountability. There is so much pain and sorrow when I attempt to write about my childhood. I told my sister when we where in our early 20's that I wanted to write about our childhood, but I wouldn't do it until our parents were dead. This should have resonated with me deeper then, but it didn't. Why was I so reluctant? Maybe it was the early sowing in of Ephesians Chapter 6 Verse 1-3. Whenever we children would push my mother to a point of her wit's end, she would ...

It is planting season. My mother purchased some fruit trees about a month ago because she wanted to plant something on the property her parents owned where she now resides. She was raised by a man who loved to farm and garden. He was always tending his garden when he had time. He was also a plumber and an all-around handyman. Her mother loved to feed the chickens and help sow and bring in the harvest. She would shell pecans and shell peas. She would snap beans. She would shuck corn. She would pull tomatoes and pluck mustang grapes. She would sit the bowl in her lap and busy herself well and fancifully.  My grandfather was not a man of letters, but he was a man of ingenuity. He knew how to put things together, even a life that was filled with obstacles and adversity. His right hand man in planting and tending was often my mother when she was available. But more often than not, he was a solo endeavor kinda guy especially after my grandmother died. Momma is turning 77 this year. Her f...

Thursday the administration of the 2nd covid shot was executed upon my arm. I felt fine enough to come home and mow the yard. As the day went on I was good. I slept fine, I think. Friday I was groggy and my head was filled full of air and water. I couldn't move without my brain swimming about. That lasted all Friday. Later in the mid morning of Friday I took some over the counter Naproxen and got under the covers. I just lost lots of energy. I had upper body and arm chills. I stayed under the covers all day. I only got up to go potty or turn the outside lights on. I was fatigued. Today I am much better. No light headedness has persisted. The chills have waned. I wanted to get up. I showered. I am getting dressed here soon. I feel like things are getting back on track. However, a few weeks after the first shot I lost the use my left leg a bit. I could walk, but I could not fully engage the groin muscle. I had to lift my leg into bed and out of bed. I had to struggle to drive my stic...

CashApp and Venmo have been established. My PayPal got set up yesterday. Aside from WorldRemit and a Fidelity Cash Management Account, I am close to finishing my financial toolkit for world travel. World Remit and Fidelity offer no fee accounts for international transactions. Now I have no idea when I will be leaving mind you, but if you dig a ditch, something is bound to land in it sooner or later. That is exciting news for me anyway. I look forward to these trips. I don't dream about them. I don't see them as I daydream. I don't have visions of far away places. I just look forward to getting on with it. I have no money mind you. I just have accounts set up. Present discoveries about my disposition are unearthing clear and evident needs to leave the city and go "elsewheres." My sister will ask, "Where do you want to go?" My respond in the past would be, "Away."Anywhere but where I was currently was the goal. I would also sometimes reply, ...

I don't know. I don't know! Words that are much treasured these days. I lean and depend on those words. Those words bring a peace that often "knowing" only stands near and envies. Knowing is here. It is done. It is over with. It is often understood and as often misunderstood.  But, "I Don't Know?" Let's see where this leads us. Let's see if we can find an answer. Let's find out how this feels or what this tastes like, or how cold it can get or if that particular stain will come out. I don't know. I don't know how much longer I have. I don't know you. I don't know how well I'll ever know you or if it even matters. I just don't know. I don't know as much as I thought I knew when I thought I knew more than I thought I know now. God love Stevie Wonder who wrote,  " We all know sometimes life's hates and troubles Can make you wish you were born in another time and space But you can bet you life times that and t...

I sure wish there were a grocer within walking distance of my house. I'd want for it to be Trader Joe's or Central Market or even a Coop. It would be great. I'd be able to gather what I needed for a few days and live like I were in New York City. New York City?!!?! Single serve coffee and tea packets are usually what I choose to use for a hot beverages. Single serve other items are hard to keep in bulk unless it is processed or highly processed. I have stopped purchasing bulk items having to do with food. I still will purchase 120 rolls of toilet paper and 50 rolls of hand towels and 12 toothbrushes and 6 deodorants. But that is neither here nor there. I would like to enter a bodega and gather a bunch of grapes and an avocado off the store front rack and not pay an arm and a leg. Maybe I would grab one banana. Later that day I would get an 8th a pound of turkey sliced thin and the same of Swiss. I would get a sprig of romaine and an itty bit of fresh herbs. I'd smile as...